Sunday Confessions: Jekyll & Hyde

I am like the Jekyll and Hyde of being healthy. One day I am all about juicing and eating vegetables for dinner, and then I have like brownies or something to reward myself. Its ridiculous.  I really love to be healthy and frequently think about exercising, while I sit on my laptop and watch shows, and eat potato chips. Sometimes I even eat the whole bag... thats like 1000 calories guys. No, really, it is. One serving is 150 cal, theres 8 servings in said bag. Um yep, one thousand calories. Thats right, practically a third of a pound. But then I tell myself that the people on all the Food Network shows, like Giada, Mr. Flay, Paula (you catch me) are all really happy people. They love food. I love food. They dont limit themselves to crazy diets, or only vegetables. They use butter in their ingredients for crying out loud. Granted Paula deep fries Mac & Cheese, Im not that crazy.. but I bet its good, and you know what, if Paula Deen offered me some deep fried Mac & Cheese, the Hyde in me would eat some!
Then Jekyll takes over and I feel horrible. I need to be healthy, look better, exercise more, take better care of my body. I have to justify and tell myself that I am not a horrible person for wanting to use butter while I cook. Or if I want to have a steak, or a fish taco at a famous taqueria down here in San Diego, even if it is *gasp* deep fried. Or you know what else? The Hyde in me LOVES ice cream, deep fried ice cream at that. (ok, now I just sound like a slob, I dont eat everything deep fried) Its really hard these to days to not want to eat these glorious things.
Its even harder when your mother is hitting her mid life crisis and going super duper uber healthy on you. Guys, sometimes when my mom calls and asks what Im having for dinner, I dont tell her. I know she will be disappointed in me if I say pizza, or mashed potatoes, or anything cooked (for reals), not organic, not grass fed, not free range. Oh heavens, dont even get me started on how embarrassed I am to tell her I am eating something that came out of a bag or a box. Holy Hannah. I honestly think, she would be more disappointed in reading this post, than if she heard me using the word "crap." Conservative, remember? Im not perfect, especially not in the healthy eating category and you know, what? I probably never will be, actually, I dont want to be. Sorry mom, you and I are just going to have to accept me for who I am. Jekyll, Hyde and Janean.

xoxo, Janean